For the record

Having invited a number of friends and family members to read my blog,  I should make it clear here that my husband did not end our marriage because of another woman (or at least I don’t think that’s the case).  So my blog is not in any way, shape or form an attempt to seek revenge, or ‘out’ anybody.  I am no scorned woman seeking to ruin my husband’s career, or bash the homewrecker.  On the contrary, one of the most gut-wrenching things about this whole awful mess is that my (former) husband is a really good man, a kind and caring man, a man with tremendous integrity.  Like all of us, he carries with him the scars and the mythologies of his childhood and youth.  Like all of us, he wanted to recreate the family he grew up in, keeping some things, fixing others.  For a decade, he thought he could do that with me, and then he changed his mind.  His disappointment with me, his growing list of my shortcomings transformed I suppose into something like aversion, and now he has moved on (albeit remarkably quickly) to try again with someone else.

Women who claim to know about these things call it midlife crisis, and say he will be back within 3 years to admit he was wrong.  I don’t think I will be waiting that long.  I’ve decided a year is all I can offer and that year is up in 2 months.  So that’s what this blog is about: documenting my coming to terms with being utterly and brutally rejected on every level.  It has been a kick in the head, a punch in the stomach, a crippling of the knees.  But I am not dead yet, though I’ve wished for that many times when feeling so beaten down, that I couldn’t imagine getting back up. 

I’m peeking up from out of my hole, and slowly... ever so slowly.... beginning to be able to imagine that I could be happy again.  That’s what this blog is for!