I think the time has come to bring this blog to a close- not because I am fully recovered (oh how I wish!) but because I am not sure I have more to say. My tales of woe are becoming repetitive and I am at risk of one of you anonymously asking me if I want cheese with my whine. My story is commonplace. Boy meets girl. Boy chases girl. Boy convinces girl to love him. Girl loves boy. Boy changes his mind. Girl has broken heart. Boy meets new girl and so on....
My marriage is over. I survived but I am no stronger for it. I haven’t learned anything that I didn’t already know. I haven’t gained any wisdom. I haven’t sharpened my skills of observation or honed my character assessment ability. I have gained nothing to take forward into the rest of my life. I’m just older, rounder, more weary, more disillusioned and more convinced than ever that due to some fatal flaw or intergenerational curse I was not ever meant to experience growing old with a lifetime partner.
My daughter asked me a while back if I would consider reuniting with her father now that I am alone again. Even though she is heading off to university in the fall and striking out on her own, she couldn’t resist the pull of that childhood wish to have her parents together.... to have an intact family. Old dreams die hard. Perhaps we’ll go that route some day, for her sake. We’ll get a double room in a nursing home so that she can visit her two aging parents at the same time in the same place; so that she won’t have to schlep her little ones to two different doorsteps on Christmases and Easters and Halloweens. Surely her father and I could get along at the end of our lives. Surely we could resurrect some tenderness. He is the only man with whom I’ve had a child. I am the only woman who has given him a child. That must count for something. When you’re old and alone, any company is good company. It would be the closest I’ll ever come to having someone to look through old photo albums with- someone who recognizes the same faces in the pictures, someone who knows my family and loves them, someone who has memories that overlap with mine.
Thank you to my readers for your support and encouragement. You have been a blessing to me.
I’m signing off now.
These have been great reads
ReplyDeleteI hope you stay and continue to post, even if it's just about what you did in a day. You have a gifted way with words and writing and I think these posts are good for you and your readers. No one has complained and I, for one, will miss you if you go.
ReplyDeleteI will miss you too. I always looked forward to reading your posts. You have been an eloquent and anonymous friend whose musings were always thought-provoking and insightful. I wish you and your daughter the very best always. Don't give up on yourself or on the future. Surround yourself with the many, many people who love and appreciate you. And remember that in spite of what you were told by your ex-husband, you are positively a SPLENDID woman. Take care~
ReplyDeleteYou can't fool me. There is an inner strength in you that will win the day. Too much to give and too much to share to stay alone for very long. Wounded and broken hearted perhaps but far from dead.Give it time to heal... I look forward to your new blog on the dynamics of courting and dating in the I -pad, digital world.
ReplyDeleteI will miss your entries but want more than anything to see your re-emergence....a new wonderous butterfly to wow us with your beauty, charm and intelligence.
Be well,
I couldn't agree more with the last 4 anonymous comments. You have a wonderful way with words and your entries were always insightful and inspirational. I'll miss them. All the best to you and your daughter. Take care.
ReplyDeleteWhat support you have from your readers! Speaks volumes about your worth! I think that for many of us, you've become a dear friend who's going through a rough patch in life at the moment but whom we would like to see regain her confidence. You have verbalized, no doubt, what many of your readers have felt at some point in their life. In that respect, you've been extremely helpful. We don't know what the future holds but I'm positive that life will be good to you again. Your kind and generous nature is such a gift! Be well and I hope that we'll be reading more about the wonderful things happening to you in the near or distant future. Paris is a great start......
ReplyDelete