Fem-o-pause

My period started unexpectedly on the day I moved out of the matrimonial home ("Why was it me who moved out", you ask "when it was him who no longer wished to be together?"  I've asked myself that question a thousand times, especially at the prompting of dozens of friends who've chided me.  Perhaps I thought being so agreeable would endear me to him, and he'd beg me to come back, or more likely, I left because I never really felt the house was mine to begin with.  It was a million dollar home, and I grew up in 600 square feet.  I contributed far less to the downpayment than he did - although to his credit, he never seemed worried about that.  There were three of them and only two of us. My daughter and I often felt like we were living in their hotel.  Their furniture, their pictures on their wall.  I must have known on some level it was a temporary arrangement.)

But I digress.., back to all things menstrual.  My period was not due on April 1st, 2010.  It should not have come for 2 more weeks. I woke up at 6:30 am (from my self imposed exile to the couch in the basement) to be ready for the movers who were due in an hour.  I raised my face to the heavens and asked "God did you really think I needed this on my last day in this house?"  I had no "feminine hygene products".  They were packed away in a box marked "BATHROOM" in blue marker.  I would have to make due with the resources available to me. (I will spare you the details).  I bled for several weeks, long after I'd unpacked the BATHROOM box in my new apartment.  Convinced my entire body was in mourning, I envisioned my uterus grieving over the loss of even the most remote possibility of welcoming my husband's sperm into a freshly released ovum.  When my previous marriage had ended, I'd been only 35 with a uterus that was still young enough to be optmisitic that there would be half-siblings for my daughter.  This time its fate was clear.

By May 1st, the bleeding stopped ... no tapering off, no winding down, no diminishing flow... just an abrupt cut-off (like the cut-off I'd received from my husband!).  Ten months later my period has never returned.  After 30 years of worrying about unplanned pregnancy, I am now infertile with no husband to share the emancipation from birth control. 

No migraines, no mood swings, no cramps, no bloating, no aching breasts.  I am now the perfect partner 7 days per week, 4 weeks per month. God is nothing if not ironic!