I was thinking recently how if my life were a Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie (no wait... that’s too 1990’s) ----okay let me start again.... if my life were a Sandra Bullock/Ryan Reynolds movie, it would turn out that my husband would be reading my blog (not knowing the author was me) and he would become enchanted with this tender-hearted, witty, articulate mystery- woman whose heart had been so callously broken. He would begin writing supportive and mildly flirtatious comments on my blog under the clever pseudonym “Anonymous”. He would write things like “Oh what a fool that husband was to discard you. If you were mine, I’d never let you go” to which I would reply “Oh if only my husband would have felt that way about me.” Then after several back and forth responses like that, he would write “You know I am recently separated too. Why don’t we meet for coffee and talk about life after separation?” And then I would write “Oh no... I’m just not ready to be with another man... well I suppose I could meet you if it’s just for coffee.” And then we would make arrangements to meet and we’d describe ourselves “I’ll be wearing a red scarf”; “I’ll be wearing a red tie”. We’d see each other at the Starbucks and curse under our respective breaths that we’d bumped into each other just when we were about to meet an intriguing new prospect. We’d sit at opposite ends of the Starbucks ignoring each other until it became increasingly clear that the one we’d been waiting for was the one we’d had all along. Cue the Piña Colada song and we’d run into each other’s arms with tears in our eyes, while the camera zoomed in on my red scarf and his red tie.
Now I confess that I am prone to magical thinking (how to distinguish between magical thinking and religious faith would make a good topic for a future blog entry... but I have to figure that out for myself first), but even I, with my ridiculous conviction that nice people deserve nice lives, never actually imagined that this blog would set the wheels in motion for a happy ending to my sad tale. As it turns out my husband does know that I am the author of this blog (and is less than thrilled about it), so there goes the whole ‘meet the mystery-woman at the coffee shop’ possible plot line anyway. And as for being enchanted with me, I think the only thing that might cause him to reconsider my worth is if maybe Bob Dylan fell in love with me and paraded me around downtown Toronto, or maybe one of the Kennedy’s, or Al Green or Neil Young.
Isn’t life perverse that no matter how many people affirm you as a great catch, if the one you want rejects you, your self esteem is still in the toilet?
I have enjoyed reading your blog. He isn't thrilled about the blog?? Too bad. I think it is important that he understand that you placed a great deal of value in your relationship. There have to be consequences to our actions. For your sake though I do hope that eventually you do have that internal healing. Keep up the good work
ReplyDeleteScrew the jerk. This blog is for you. If he doesn't like it he doesn't have to read it.
ReplyDeleteActually the plot you describe was taken from the Tom Hanks/ Meg Ryan movie "You've Got Mail", except that they don't realize it at the 1st encounter. (they do need 2 hours for the movie).
ReplyDeleteYou need to give yourself a chance to heal. This blog is part of the process and he has no input in that decision. You don't need his validation to re-establish your self esteem.