Divorce gone Digital: The Apologist's Perspective

Thank you so very much to all of you who support what I am doing here in this blog. Some of you have assured me there is value in sharing private pain; most of you have cheered me on in my healing process and a few of you have even offered me your husbands in the event of your premature demise. (Thank you!) By far the vast majority of you have expressed that you enjoy reading my blog and have wished me well. I thank you deeply... and you need not read on. What follows is for those very few people (one of whom is my former husband whose words appear on the ‘Times have Changed’ entry) who do not appear to quite ‘get’ what I am doing. First of all it goes without saying that you are not obligated to invest any time trying to understand what this process is about, but since you are inclined to indicate (via my personal email, my Facebook email and in comments on my blog) that you think my time would be better spent on other activities, I would like to respond as follows:
1) Please do not tell me that it is self-indulgent to focus on my divorce in this blog. It is, after all, a blog about divorce is it not? The title, “Divorce Sucks”, should have clued you in. Two or three of you have suggested that I should make my blog be about all the positive things that happened in my marriage or all the warm fuzzy wishes I have for my husband. So does that mean that if you were reading a zoologist’s book on the Tree Mongoose, you’d send the author a note asking “What’s with all this detail about the Tree Mongoose? Why aren’t you writing about the Pygmy Hippopotamus?” I mean really! It’s my blog. It’s about my divorce. Go ahead and read something else if this isn’t your thing.
2) Please do not tell me that I should not be a victim. Here’s the definition of victim: One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, or condition. So when someone is hurting, does it make sense to say “Stop being in pain!” It’s a rather ridiculous, hurtful and re-victimizing comment to make to someone who has been harmed.
3) Please try to understand this. Most people who are suffering would like to feel better. The ending of my marriage -which I did not want- has caused me suffering. I tried to alleviate that suffering by restoring my marriage... not an unreasonable solution given that the man who married me made vows before God to remain faithful to me all of his life. When restoration of my marriage was not possible, I tried a number of other cures. I am still suffering but I am happy to report that the pain is manageable now – most days.
4) What I am doing in this blog is trying to navigate the tricky terrain of this new unanticipated reality which was thrust upon me. I am working at negotiating my transition from unloved/unwanted wife to contented single woman. When I'm finally there (and it’s a process not a decision), perhaps my “Divorce Sucks” blog will morph into one called “Single and Pushing 50” or “Finding your Inner Celibate” or “Loving Myself until Death do I Part.” Or perhaps my Divorce Sucks blog will simply fizzle out and fade to black ...when being divorced no longer feels like the defining feature of my identity.
5) And finally, please do not suggest that it is ill-advised (or pathetic, or self-involved) to take comfort in the affirmations of my readers. I have not spoken about my marriage for 10 months even when some of HIS friends informed me that they assumed I’d left the matrimonial home because I’d met someone new. Who does not feel glad to set the record straight? What published author does not enjoy making the bestseller list? What interpretive dancer is not pleased when the audience makes the connections between the music and the movements? What actor isn’t delighted by good reviews? I have chosen a performative means of getting through this private hell, and oddly it is working for me. I do not apologize for feeling happy that I have readers now in Morocco, China, Netherlands and South Africa, that I have close to 4000 hits, and that old friends from 30 years ago have sought me out after reading my blog (Thanks AK, GG, AA, CB, IP, AS, HI, AG, JB, GT: who thinks I’m wickedly funny!)

Thank you for being happy for me- and if you’re not- then what are you doing sharing my digital space?