When we set up house together five years ago this week, you said we should have all new furniture. We bought a beautiful new sleigh bed, so I gave the one I had to Goodwill. We bought a beautiful new table so I gave my dining room set to my ex-husband. We bought a beautiful new sofa and chair. I suggested keeping my sofa-bed and chair and futon for the basement but you said they were covered in cat hair so I gave them to my neighbours. They were new immigrants and didn't have a lot. You wanted a new coffee maker so I sold mine in a garage sale. You said you preferred the dishes you had, so mine went in the garage sale too. My toaster went to your ski chalet. We bought a new fridge and stove, and washer and dryer. I left mine behind for the people who bought my house.
A year ago this month, I left our beautiful home with none of the things we'd picked out together. I left with less than I had when my previous marriage ended... less than I'd had in all the years between marriages.
But never mind...you can keep the sleigh bed. You can keep the table, the sofa and chair, the coffee maker, the fridge and stove, the washer and dryer. I have replaced those things and started all over again.
But I want my 14 years back. I want my love back. I want back all the time I gave to you and your children so I can spend it instead on my daughter, my family, my friends and my career. I want back my tears, my prayers, my trust and the ability to believe that someone could love me for the long haul, through good times and bad. Those things are harder to scrape together again. Please return them to me.
I'm sure you are aware that you are entitled to the current market value of everything acquired while married which also includes the equity in all residences.
ReplyDeleteYou may not have an appetite to initiate any legal action, however it may make him think twice before doing this again and after all you are entitled.
Take Care!
Thank you for responding. Regrettably I signed an air-tight legal separation agreement within weeks of leaving. I think he must have had his lawyer (from his previous divorce) on stand-by because it certainly got prepared in a hurry. The agreement does not allow for re-visiting any of the details which essentially say that my name is off the mortgage, he owns the house and its contents, and I got my downpayment back plus a few extra dollars for my trouble. I signed it (which caused my lawyer tremendous agony)out of desperation (I had no savings) and out of a desire to show goodwill... which pathetically I thought would endear me to him.
ReplyDeletedear sweet A,
ReplyDeletethe heavier items that you want back in your last paragraph far outweigh and make insignificant the material ones previously listed..... things can always be replaced, but feelings, time, trust, these things leave a huge void when exploited and used and taken for granted and can cause huge resentments....harbouring resentment makes for poor health....my best friend told me that the best revenge is "a life well lived" and you are experiencing that in the present! Keep up the great writings and remember when it is published, I will write the preface for you.
Auntie L.