My Goodbye letter to the Arteries and Capillaries of my Marriage

Some time ago I read in a book about divorce that it was important to say goodbye to one's marriage and all that had been invested in dreams for the future. As April 1st approaches- the first anniversary of my marriage ending, I thought perhaps it was fitting to re-read the letter I wrote. You will find that letter below.  I sent it to my husband, and his reply was that I could have any of the souvenirs that I referred to in the poem.  I don't need the souvenirs back. I need the optimism and spirit of sheer delight with which they were purchased.

Goodbye letter to the Arteries and Capillaries of my  Marriage 

Goodbye ...rings that were placed on my finger in good faith but whose promises were not honoured.

Goodbye ...beautiful matrimonial home whose bricks and tiles and wall colours I painstakingly chose; whose window coverings and paintings I hung  by myself, whose faucets and door knobs and cupboard handles I picked out; whose rooms I decorated and arranged with furniture after scouring magazines to learn how to do it right.

Goodbye... garden whose lawn I raked and mowed and seeded and cleaned of fallen apples, whose flowers, trees, shrubs and vegetables I selected and planted and cared for; whose face was once covered by 2 gazebos, dozens of chairs and tables and dear friends for our wedding celebration.

Goodbye... kitchen whose granite counters I chose from giant slabs hanging in a warehouse, and upon which I prepared my grandmother’s corn bread, my sister’s sweet potatoes, my mother’s snowball cookies, and my mother-in-law’s chilli sauce; whose cupboards and pantry I filled with food for a family (that was never really a family).

Goodbye ...sleigh bed and kitchen table and sitting room furniture that I picked out in happy days with the man to whom it now all solely belongs.

Goodbye ...Mexican blanket and macramé moons, Bangkok lamps and elephants, Korean scrap books, Ellicottville bookends  and all the souvenirs of all the trips to all the places I travelled with the man who now displays those things proudly in HIS home.

Goodbye... to the life I once imagined lay before me:   shared with a devoted companion, a lover, a bed partner, a travel partner, a fine cheese and slow food partner; a life in which growing old meant accumulating more  memories to be documented in photo albums, souvenirs and home movies.

Goodbye ...to  hope, to falsely held beliefs,  poorly invested time, to misplaced energy, misspent years and to the pearls given in good faith.

Goodbye... to the husband, the babies, the family, the marriage I never had.